The Cojones on Rep. Eric Swalwell!

Rep. Eric Swalwell (D-California) always seemed to me a bit of a Boy Scout. By that, I mean he presents as a very polite, always holds doors open for old ladies, says please and thank you kind of guy. That isn’t a criticism. I wish more people were like that. But never in my assessment of the smart representative, who threw his hat in the ring to run for president back in 2019 (and also suspended that campaign in the same year), did I notice the size of this man’s cojones.

Vintage Clackers (you never wanted to get hit in the face by these babies!)

Where the hell was he hiding them? They are HUGE! My fellow Americans, may I present to you the immense gloriousness of Eric Swalwell’s sac.

In a story released today on Alternet (click here for full story), it was reported that Rep. Swalwell and House Leader Kevin McCarthy went “nose to nose” in an argument that fell just shy of physical violence.

Why was I not informed? I have popcorn, dangit! And there’s a writer’s strike! I need entertainment!

Here’s how it went.

After Repubs voted to censure Rep. Adam Schiff (D-California) for daring to do his job and hold the orange criminal Donald J. Trump accountable for (pick a reaso, there are many; Abuse of Power and Insurrection being the top two), Swalwell called out McCarthy.

Swalwell: "This is pathetic. You're weak. You're a weak man." And somewhere in there, apparently called McCarthy a p****y (or McCarthy incorrectly conflated weak with the word p****y—I’ll explain later why that’s incorrect.)

McCarthy (popping out a vein in his forehead) tried chest thumping and got in Swalwell’s face: "If you ever say something like that to me again, I'm gonna kick the s**t out of you…. Call me a p***y again, and I'll kick your a**."

Swalwell (with the tune for The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly playing in the background) then whipped out his massive and beautifully impressive pair of balls and swung for the fence, replying: "You. Are. A. P***y."

What!

How was this NOT caught on cellphone camera? Why isn’t this playing on a loop on every social media platform? I would pay money to see this!

The article goes on to say that Swalwell and McCarthy have a contentious relationship (I wonder why?), and that Swalwell continues to sac-slap McCarthy on every single news station that invites him on (rightly so).

Swalwell is tea-bagging McCarthy with glee, and I, for one, am here for it.

Now, about why it’s wrong to conflate weak with the word p****y. I think America’s dearly departed favorite grandma, Betty White, expressed it best (she actually didn’t say it, but the meme has made the rounds and we can certainly picture her saying it):

“Why do people say, ‘Grow some balls’? Balls are weak and sensitive.
If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina. Those things really take a pounding!”

I’d like to add that, at least in Eric Swalwell’s case, balls are definitely NOT weak, and the only one sensitive is McCarthy. You know, the man with a red, testicle imprint on his cheek.